Aladdin with an Inuyasha Twist!
by blue sakuras
Summary: Imagine the movie. Imagine Inuyasha characters. Imagine me. Directing them. In a twisted, mind-twisting version of the 'innocent' Disney movie. Oh - how I've soiled Walt Disney's name!
1. Scene One

_Ack! Peoples don't kill me! I'm sorry for starting another fic! I won't do it ever again!  
  
::pauses and thinks about what she just said::  
  
Actually, I probably will.... NO KNIVES! [but other sharp, pointy, and shiny objects are allowed. mm...forks.]  
  
I own nothing. Thank you all for making me feel special. There will be violence. There will be pain. There will be torture.  
  
This is going to be fun.  
_  
...::Cast::...  
  
Aladdin: Inuyasha  
  
Jasmine: Kagome  
  
Abu: Rin  
  
Jafar: Naraku  
  
Iago: Jaken  
  
Sultan: Grandpa Higurashi  
  
Haughty Prince: Kouga  
  
Rajah: Kirara  
  
Carpet: Shippou  
  
Genie: Sesshoumaru  
  
The Guards (the ones that chase Inuyasha in the beginning and throughout the movie):  
  
The 1st one: (The one that's big, buff, and hates Inuyasha, oh and gives orders.) Sango  
  
The 2nd one: Hiten  
  
The 3rd one: Yura  
  
The 4th one: Kaede  
  
(there's only three main ones. But, I can't help it!)  
  
The 5th one: Manten  
  
The 6th one: Ayame  
  
Random people that I most likely forgot about that are throughout the movie: Myouga, Kohaku, Koharu, Kikyou, and Souten. (kkk! ...wait – oops. -.-;)  
  
_I have meticulously gathered information about the above characters and after doing hard, strenuous work analyzing to make this fic the wonderful creation it is!  
_  
Inuyasha: yeah, right. You just typed down whatever character's came to mind.  
  
_NO!_  
  
Kouga: I have to agree with him on this.  
  
Kikyou: Me too.  
  
Inuyasha: See, you're doing it again.  
  
_SHUT UP! I can make Naraku Aladdin.  
  
_::Everyone shudders at the thought of Naraku in the costume of Aladdin::  
  
_Maybe not..._  
  
_HERE WE GO!_  
  
Miroku steps up to the stage, dressed in his traditional black and purple robes. A stage hand sneaks up and hands him a microphone. Miroku taps the mike and sends loud squeaks.  
  
"Sorry!"  
  
_Just begin the freaking story already monk!_ the lovely author admonished as she sat in her comfy director's chair and began to film.  
  
Miroku faced the cameras, and took a deep breath, beginning the song in a deep tenor...  
  
**"**_**From a faraway place   
Where the wild youkai roam   
Where they blow in your ear/Where they're big and round**_ [The director sighs and Sango looks ready to kill.]  
  
["He's screwing around with the lines!" she stalked over to me.  
  
_I know._  
  
"Stop him!" Sango hissed at me.  
  
_...why?_ A pissed off Sango runs off to her dressing room, which, incidently, happens to be one of the extra storage rooms. [[note: budget was tight. most of the cast's dressing rooms are extra storage rooms and bathrooms. Questions have been asked and they have been answered with peace offerings of potatoes and a handful of salt.]]  
  
[Miroku, who was noticed Sang's sudden storming off, noticeably droops, but continues to sing his improved version of the song.]  
  
_**If they lust after your face /Their body language intense   
It's barbaric, but hey--it's me!   
When my hand's at your back   
And your face is turning red,   
And my hand slipping is just right!   
Come on down,   
Stop on by...   
Hop a cab and fly**_ [Director shakes her head._ That doesn't make any sense!_ Miroku seems to have gotten another interpretation of what she said and is now currently disco dancing to his song.]   
**_To another_ _Araaaaaabian night!_** [_Stick to the script! Stick to the script!_]  
  
_**Araaaabian nights   
Like Araaaaabian days   
More often than not   
Are hotter than hot   
In a lot of goooood ways**_ [Miroku winks suggestively at the remaining ladies on the side, who all give him revolted looks.]  
  
_**Arabian niiiights   
'Neath Arabian mooooons**_ [At this point, Miroku has begun to strip. He has successfully untied his knot with one hand. The director, at the point, is very happy she decided on hand held mikes instead of headsets. Or pin ons. Again, the budget was an issue.]   
_**A fool off his guard   
Could fall and fall hard   
Out there on the hills..."**_ Miroku has now gotten his top layer off. One of the stagehands whistles suggestively at the part of Miroku that was showing more skin than it usually showed.  
  
Ayame rolled her eyes. Kouga goggled at the display. He felt his manhood was being challenged by a mere human. How had that monk have such hairy legs?  
  
Miroku winked back at the approving stagehand before the lights dimmed and the scene changed.  
  
The screen closes up to what appears to be a man, sitting on a camel in the middle of the desert. He has dark, long, greasy hair and feminine looking features, with the works. _He had purple eye shadow on, too. I think it's the latest one from Maybelline. Extremely feminine. And another thing, he ACTS feminine too! Not to be sexist, but he is all girly and doesn't do his own dirty work an-  
_  
"What does that have to do with anything?" the 'mysterious' Naraku asked, out of annoyance.  
  
_Well, I have my views on how you reproduce, and don't give me that, 'I'm asexual' or 'I take the other people and chop them up and junk'. I don't buy it. So..._  
  
"Just get on with the story!" Inuyasha and Naraku both shout at the poor, intimidated author. __

_::sniff::_  
  
_Alright, but I wanted to let you know, Naraku and Inuyasha agreed on something._  
  
The two said people turned to each other and shuddered violently.  
  
"And stop doing it with the switching in first person and third person point of view!" Rin shouts up at me. Surprised, everyone looks at her. "What? That's my thing." She states, as if it explains anything.  
  
Giving puzzled looks to the worrisome girl, the author then turned back to narrate the story, or after seeing the irritated looks of the characters that the author has 'borrowed'.  
  
Fine. Who wants the mike?  
  
"Yay! I get to narrate!!!" _The author had not realized who she had handed the microphone to.  
  
Miroku. Who, might I add, needs to get in touch with his feminine side. That display of hair is scaring the director.  
  
BACK TO THE STORY ALREADY!  
_  
"Alright, alright. Jeesh."  
  
And as the dark, mysterious man sat on the horse, - _no wait, is that a camel? Yes, a camel - _ and waited for someone.  
  
And suddenly, Kagome, Ayame, and Yura appeared on the screen, wearing nothing but bunny costumes. Playboy bunny costumes. Sango was spared the humility as she had run into her room. But a piercing scream in her direction noted by Sesshoumaru shows that it had also affected her.  
  
"MIROKU!!!"  
  
_Miroku, if you're going to abuse your narrator privileges like that, give the mike back to me.  
_  
"Ok, ok." The girls' outfits turned into bikinis. "Is that any better?"  
  
"HENTAIIII!"  
  
The girls' were trying to conserve their modesty by covering themselves with their arms.  
  
_Miroku. DO SOMETHING.  
_  
"WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING? YOU ARE THE AUTHOR! WRITE US IN SOME CLOTHES WOMAN!" Ayame yelled.  
  
"Yanno something? This does wonders for my figure!" Yura purred.  
  
She started strutting her stuff in front of everyone, causing Inuyasha, Shippou, Kouga to blush profusely, Sesshoumaru to turn his head, covering Rin's eyes while he was at it, and Manten, Hiten, and Mr. Higurashi to give wolf whistles.  
  
"GRANDPA!!"  
  
_Oh pish. You're all idiots._  
  
In a flash of light, Kagome, Yura, and Ayame were off the screen, fully clothed (well in their normal outfits) and sitting in Inuyasha's, Hiten's, and Kouga's laps. In that respective order.  
  
_There? That better?_  
  
"Yes. I mean no! I mean – GAH!" Kagome's face turned an assortment of red shades before settling on a very, very dark red. Kouga growled as Ayame caught his head in a hug.  
  
"I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!"  
  
"MPHM!" It seems that Ayame was a bit... eager and has blocked Kouga of his air supply.  
  
Well I'll be damned! Youkai need to breath too! Inuyasha rolls his eyes. "You ARE damned. Get him away!" Kouga was slumped over Ayame, who was sprawled on the floor.  
  
_Apparently Ayame wasn't strong enough to hold Kouga's weight._ "I AM TOO!" Ayame shrieked from beneath the limp form of the once mighty and strong wolf.  
  
"You make it sound as if he died." Kagome flat panned.  
  
"I can only dream." Inuyasha growled. Kagome rolled her eyes.  
  
"...can we get back to the SCRIPT NOW??" the impatient man/woman spat out as he sat rather uncomfortably, much to the writer's delight, on top of the camel. "QUIT THE HE/SHE BUSINESS YOU WISEASS!"  
  
_...should I? And stop abusing the person I so long to be as beautiful as? Oh, it's always been my secret desire!  
  
I wanna be as pretty as you Naraku!_  
  
Naraku suddenly stopped scowling and there was a hopeful expression on his face. "...D-do you really mean that?"  
  
Yep.  
  
"Oh!" Naraku fanned himself with his hands, while the writer gave blank looks at the cast watching, "I'm so flattered!"  
  
And you said you were a he/she.  
  
"Yea - W-wait! What? HEY! NO I DIDN'T! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"  
  
_Yes it is.  
  
And we should be getting back to the story now. So get back to the story!  
_  
"...fine." During all of this, Yura was getting comfortable sitting on Hiten's lap, who was also not without a grin on his face._ Yura, go help Sango.  
_  
"Aww...." Yura pouted.  
  
_Don't pout._  
  
"And WHY not?" she said haughtily to the poor, meek, defenseless author. "Oh SHUT UPPP! AND THAT WAS NOT HAUGHTY!"  
  
_...yes it was. ANYWAY,_ [Yura's loud sighs can be heard as she leaves to help Sango. "SHUT UP ALREADY!] _we shall continue NOW._  
  
"Yes. That will be good. I don't like camels. I think I'm allegic." Naraku said amiably.  
  
_..._  
  
_That's not possible._ "What isn't?"  
  
_You can NOT possibly be allergic to CAMELS!  
_  
"...why NOT?"  
  
_...because!  
_  
"WHY?" Everyone shouted in unison as the poor... bullied author. "SHUT UP WITH THAT CRAP!"  
  
_.... ::twitch:: Not carp.  
  
I don't like carp. Fish. Mhpm._  
  
"...?" Kagome patted Inuyasha reassuringly on the shoulder.  
  
"It's okay. You are talking to an insane person after all."  
  
_She's right. ::nods:: BACK TO THE STORY NOW..._ everyone on the sidelines sigh with relief as the blinding lights turn back onto Naraku...  
  
And as the ::cough::thing::cough:: sat on the camel, a small figure approached ::cough::he/she::cough. Naraku frowned. Naraku glared in the general direction of the director but could not properly glare as the fact that the lights were literally 'blinding'.  
  
Kikyou stood before Naraku, bowing down. It seemed that Kikyou was really unhappy with the arrangements. note: after learning of the casting, Kikyou threw a fit for a week, locking herself into Naraku's 'dressing room'. After the week, Naraku apparently was rather distressed that his Barney and Teletubbies model collection was... rather ruined. Workers are still trying to wash off the permanent marker stains. It was the only way we could get a person to play Jafar.  
  
"You are...late." Naraku stated coldly, and the director had to applaud him. _If anyone in the cast of this low-budget film was going to make it big, it would have to be Naraku. The director has seen Inuyasha sing_.  
  
_He'd probably drop the acting gig and start a rap gang._ "Hey!"  
  
_Shhh!  
_  
"No duh." With a sharp glare from me, Kikyou went back to her ACTUAL lines. "Ahem, I mean, A THOUSAND PARDONS, Oh patient one." Kikyou spat out, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"So you have it then?" Naraku gracefully arched an eyebrow, and narrowed his eyes. _Overall, his acting was really good_. "OH you really think so? I _TOLD_ Mommy those Broadway acting gigs would pay off!"  
  
Given weird looks, Naraku snaps. "Get back to the story!"  
  
"I had to shoot a few **WHORES** to get it." Kikyou turns away from Naraku, to search for where the other cast members were sitting, searching for someone. The blinding lights prevented her though.  
  
Kikyou slides her hand out from her sleeve, and in it is half of what appears to be the Shikon no Tama.  
  
"OH MY GOD! YOU BROKE IT!" Naraku screeched. _The director was forced to drop her whip to clutch at her ears in agony. note: the author has no nerves. if she does, they don't work. so it was all in vain... ::sniff:: poor Mr. Whippy._   
  
Naraku leaps off his camel and runs straight towards the director. "YOU BROKE IT! YOU BROKE MY PRECIOUS! MYYYYYY PRECIOUS!" the director's nonexistant nerves are worn down.  
  
OF COURSE THEY ARE! YOU TWIT! DIDN'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT THE SCRIPT??? BESIDES, THE OTHER HALF IS RIGHT HERE! The director takes out something from her pocket.  
  
"THE JEWEL!" Kouga, Miroku, Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Shippou, Kikyou, and Naraku shout in unison.  
  
_If any of you move, I'll shoot you._  
  
The room froze.  
  
_Oh what fun! I should have said that AGES ago!_  
  
"...but why did you have to break my jewel???" Naraku whimpered.  
  
_...because... OH SHUT IT!  
  
Get back to your smelly camel and SHOOT THIS SCENE ALREADY!_  
  
Grumbling, Naraku goes back onto his camel. Kikyou seems to have great pride in her next couple of lines. She practically took a whole minute for each line. _Waste of tape if you ask me._  
  
"We didn't ask you!"  
  
"..."  
  
"Ahem,... first, my treasure!"  
  
Naraku scowled. "You'll get what's coming to you."  
  
Kikyou grinned. _Apparently she had not read the script. Just this scene._  
  
"Oh! That's why you keep asking for five minute breaks and then you hide in the bathroom! I thought you were bulimic or something!" Kagome cried from the side.  
  
"YOU'RE THE BULIMIC ONE!"  
  
A screeching halt came in the process of taping this movie.  
  
_As the two girls bickered, the director wondered whether or not Kikyou actually COULD be bulimic._  
  
"WHAT???"  
  
_...well... you ARE dead._  
  
Kikyou immediately burst into tears and ran to her... dressing room. Naraku scowled and rode off the screen on his camel and yelled something about going to the strip club.  
  
Miroku offered to go.  
  
Two seconds later Miroku is cowering in the corner of the studio, whimpering.  
  
_Hey! NARAKU! Are you going to a women's strip club or a men's strip club?_  
  
"Men's."  
  
_...narrator thinks that Naraku did not understand the joke...  
  
_"I'll go!"  
  
Much to the surprise of everyone, Kouga stands up, having regained conscience and was hurrying after Naraku.  
  
_..._  
  
"HEY!" Ayame screeched as she chased after the two men on camel.  
  
... Kagome sighed. Sesshoumaru just walked away. Hiten rolled his eyes and helped himself to more coffee.  
  
The director sighed.  
  
_Alright, I guess that's it for today._  
  
As I left, Miroku was still cowered in the corner.  
  
_...I wonder how he's going to do when he realizes no one else is there and the lights all shut off?  
_  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
_...nevermind...  
_  
[[Note: This is a sorta documentary. This is the show of the making of the movie. Not the actual movie itself. The cast reassembled itself the next day, but all ran off when they remembered who's big screen debut it was...]]  
  
The lonely toad had sat there, all dolled up, looked sulky.  
  
"Next time, you have to go in what I give you!" Rin smiles.  
  
"NO! WHY?" he looked at the director.  
  
_Because I gave her the job of costume co-ordinator._  
  
...the director went home and called for the rest of the cast members to report to the studio tomorrow, due to technical difficulties. She also had to fire Rin.  
  
_Rin's outfits were rather... unique is a way of putting it._  
  
They were worse than Miroku's bunny costumes, so the author left the clothes to the casts choice.

**[[edit]]**

This was reposted because I wanted to reformat some things... _nothing has been changed... really..._

"Liar."


	2. Scene Two

_Due to some complications, shooting was put on hiatus with nothing more than a mutter of 'homework and social life' uttered to the cast from the author/director/narrator. It's really all the same person...  
  
However, since summer has come again, I can get working on this! The sad thing is...I looked over the last shooting...and we didn't get much done. Very little. Very, very little. So little, I think it's less than one percent of the whole movie. So little that –  
  
_"WE GET THE IDEA!" Ayame yelled.  
  
_How very rude.  
_  
"Well, you are blabbering on, and on, and on..." Inuyasha pointed out.  
  
"And we've finally agreed to come back, so why don't you just continue?" Kagome added, trying to make things run more smoothly.  
  
_Ah...the wise Kagome. She always tries to make people get along better, stop fights, etc. etc. and other such saintly work.  
_  
Kagome blushed. "Ah... you flatter me."  
  
_...you didn't let me finish what I meant. Since you're soooo goodie-goodie and you get to actually hang out with Sesshoumaru...  
_  
"NO I/SHE DON'T!" _Whoa... Inuyasha and Kagome. Stereo sound system.  
  
And don't interrupt me Inuyasha! Stop protecting her... jeesh. You should've let Sesshy kill her when he had the chance...very rude of you.  
_  
Sesshoumaru twitched. "Don't call me that."  
  
_What, Sesshy?_  
  
"...that."  
  
_Okay Sushi!_  
  
_Okay! Now, Kagome, I'm going to have to kill you after this movie shooting.  
  
_"NO YOU'RE NOT!"  
  
_Oh dearie me! The whole cast is rising up against me! Wait – why are you with her Jaken? I thought you wanted to barbeque her...  
  
_Jaken squirmed when many heads turned and glared in his direction.  
  
"Jaken-sama is being a meanie!" and Rin stormed over and tugged on the toad's ears. Hard.  
  
"Ahh! STOP IT!"  
  
"Rin."  
  
"Hai, Sesshoumaru-sama!"  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Okay!"  
  
_Jaken... answer my question! The toad glared. But it was not really intimidating... seeing a little shrimp-a green one at that-do a look at you that made him look constipated.  
  
Disturbing... but not intimidating._ The toad squawked.  
  
"I do not squawk!"  
  
_Yeah. That's what Sin, a dearly and recently deceased friend said too... and why indeed did you chime in too?Oh wait – she's not dead. The beheading is planned for NEXT week...  
  
_The toad squirmed yet again under the piercing glares. "Fine! Fine! It was because everyone else was..."  
  
_Ah...peer pressure. I think we should get back to the chapter now shouldn't we? The cast nodded in agreement. All right Jaken, shooooooooooowtime!  
_  
[note: unfortunately, due to the plot, the director reluctantly had released the other half of the Shikon no Tama to Naraku...]  
  
"Ah ah!" Kikyou pulled back the jewel tauntingly. "Not until I get my treasure!"  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Jaken bursts out of the sand, throwing Kikyou completely off and causing her to fall onto her butt, and grabbed the chunk of Shikon no Tama that she had and waddled over to where Naraku was on the... err... camel. It also scared the narrator a little bit, seeing as she didn't tell him to do it like that...  
  
"Why is he on that thing anyway?" Sango whispered to the author as the scene rolled along.  
  
_Because the camel died. I forgot to feed it._ Sango widened her eyes. "But camels can live without food for a really long time! What did you do?! Leave it here?"  
  
_The author pleads no comment to that. The author would also like to note that the author once had four very cute birds that suffocated because she forgot that the birds couldn't live in a glass room... with the heater on...  
_  
The thing that Sango was referring to was a rather crude wooden rocking horse. Naraku was idly rocking on it, staring at the director.  
  
_Oh – wait... why?_  
  
"Oh nothing. I just thought you might like to know that I have the whole jewel."  
  
Sango, still next to the author, flinched and brought out Hiraikotsu. The others in the cast did likewise.  
  
_...what's going on?_  
  
Sango answered, while the rest surrounded themselves around Naraku, encasing him in a rather odd looking circle. "He's got the whole jewel."  
  
_...so?_  
  
"He can bloody kill us all right now."  
  
_I still have my gun y'anno._  
  
::ONE HOUR LATER::  
  
_Much editing had to be done, as this would not be rated PG-13 anymore... it would have scarred the soul...and the author is left with a very happy feeling.  
_  
Naraku sat on the rocking horse, rocking and mumbling to himself. Kikyou was paler than ever and Jaken kept jerking spastically.  
  
_LINE NARAKU!!!_  
  
The he/she immediately gave the narrator a sharp glare, and then jerked and started talking. "Trust me, my not pungent and not my friend. You'll get what's coming to you."  
  
Kikyou rolled her eyes.  
  
"What's coming to you! What's coming to you! AWK!" Jaken muttered. _He had to take a very fake imitation of a parrot's voice, with much reluctance and many threats and blackmails from the author.  
_  
Naraku pulled out something from his monkey pelt.  
  
_Hmm... that poor, poor monkey. Having to sit with Naraku day in and day out... and the narrator is shutting up because Naraku is giving the narrator the evil eye... scary._  
  
What Naraku reveals in his hand is a piece of hot pink Play Dough in the shape of a half circle. He sighs and with a bored expression shoves it together with the other half of the 'jewel.' The director hastily put together both parts in the same motions of Naraku, since she has the real thing. It emitted sparks and flew off.  
  
"AFTER IT!" the monkey man shouted with excitement.  
  
_Man... he is gonna MAKE it someday..._  
  
As they race after the glowing speck of light, they run until they reached a large dune. It rose and swelled until it was enormous and it split in the middle. The jewel split in two, and plunged into each side. All that remains are two glowing points of light. The jewel glowed brighter and brighter. The dune rose up, and transformed into a giant head in the shape of... Kirara's.  
  
Sango tapped the author on the shoulder. "That's the longest thing that's gone on without being interrupted"  
  
_I know. Hehe..._  
  
All seem rather surprised at the head and Naraku seemed to have lost his voice for a minute before clearing his throat and talking. "At last... after all my years of searching... err... the Cave of Wonder...?"  
  
Jaken squawked. See... he squawks... "Cave of Wonders! Cave of Wonders..."  
  
Kikyou clutched at her chest, eyes still wide from seeing Kirara's giant head. "My Kami..."  
  
"Now remember! You shall bring me the... Oh damn it, authoress or whatever the hell you are, do I really have to do – "  
  
_YES._  
  
Naraku sighed.  
  
"You shall bring me the sake bottle with the kanji 'dog' on it. And everything else in that... that... cave is yours." Kikyou starts heading for Kirara's mouth, but is nervous and forgets to do her chuckle. _She will be punished later for that..._  
  
"Awk... the stupid lamp... awk... lamp..." Jaken mumbled half-heartedly. He then brightened up, since he was now allowed to talk as he usually does... which by the author's opinion... isn't much bettter... "Where the hell did you get this crackwhore?" Naraku cracks a grin and motions for Jaken to shut up. Kikyou hesitantly reached the cave but is once again, blown onto her butt as Kirara starts to talk.  
  
"MREWO MEOOOW MREOW!" Kirara roared.  
  
_OH YEAH!_  
  
The author jumped out of her chair so fast, it scared Sango into falling over. "So much for no interruptions..."  
  
The author whipped out a remote.  
  
"What are you going to do with that? Change the channel? Sorry, same thing!" Kikyou snapped. She seemed rather irritated. "Of course I'm damn well irritated! I've been shoved onto my ass twice already and it hasn't even been half an hour!"  
  
_So? Besides, I'm fiddling with the controls. It'll alter Kirara's voice and make it sound human...ish.  
_  
"Oh..."  
  
_AHA! Okay... let's go!_  
  
Kirara tried again. "Mewhoooooooooo disturbs mryyyyyyyyyy swumbooooooowwwwwwww?" Kikyo sweatdropped and was about to complain when the author shouted out that it was the closest she could get. Kikyou just let it go... not very eager for a repetition of what happened earlier... that author had control issues...  
  
"It-it is I, Kikyou, a humble miko."  
  
Kirara spoke. "Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough." This time, she spoke without hitches and the author pranced around, whooping.  
  
Kikyou turns and gives what she thinks is a confused look. It just looked like she got the wind punched out of her...  
  
_See... Naraku's going places... I swear it._  
  
"Go go!" Naraku snapped.  
  
_Ah... what a great actor...Kikyou looks like she has potential too... if she would stop with the smarmy comments... and the narrator shut up quickly, remembering the bow and arrow incident when she went around hiring everyone for casting parts in this movie...  
_  
Kikyou turns and hesitantly puts one foot into the cave. Nothing happens, but Kikyou is still apprehensive at stepping into Kirara's mouth. However, with much encouragement from the waving of the author's rifle, she steps in. She starts walking downwards, but Kirara roars. Kikyou freaks out, screams and starts running for her life back out of Kirara's mouth. However, Kirara slams her mouth shut and the dune collapses, leaving behind no trace of the miko buried beneath that sand. As Kirara melted away... her words echoed. "Seek thee out... the diamond in the roueoooooooooowww!"  
  
_Oops.  
_  
"YAY!" Miroku cheered from the sidelines, but was silenced by a stony look from Inuyasha. "I mean, err... sorry for your loss...?"  
  
The two halves of the Shikon jewel pop up out of nowhere, and Naraku bends over to snatch it when a bullet flies past him. "WAH!" Naraku snapped back up and glared as the director got a stagehand to retrieve the jewel halves and kept them safe with her.  
  
Jaken coughed, spluttering out sand. "I don't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never going to get that stupid sake bottle! Just leave it be! I'm positive the likes of you won't ever be able to get it! Lord Sesshoumaru, on the other hand..." and the toad stopped when he noticed the menacing glare that Naraku was giving him. "Fine. I'm so ticked off, I'm shedding!"  
  
Everyone in the cast shuddered. He then tried to get himself onto Naraku's shoulder by jumping up and down on the sand. Heaving, he collapsed and Naraku rolled his eyes and bent down and placed the exhausted toad on his shoulder. "Patience Jaken. Patience. Kikyou was obviously less than worthy."  
  
_Now the director's starting to feel bad... and thinking she might want to extract Kikyou from the sand after everyone left and no one was looking... she only hoped dead people didn't need to breathe...  
  
_"Oh... there's a big surprise. That's an incred – I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die from NOT SURPRISE!" Jaken has a very, very sarcastic tone quality that he should use more often... "What're we gonna do?! We got a big problem here, a big prob – "and Naraku reaches up and clamps his hand on Jaken's mouth, happy to shut the toad up.  
  
"Yes. We. Do. Only ONE may enter," and was interrupted by Jaken with a 'yeah stupid!', "I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough..." and Naraku's voice echoed rather hauntingly throughout the whole stageroom, creeping out everyone, including himself, proof being that he looked around with freaked out eyes.  
  
Narrator pulls out a tape recorder._ Note to self. Next time, get smaller room._  
  
_And cut! That's a good one! We finally got a portion of the movie done! HAHAHAHA... and tomorrow... Inuyasha be ready! You sure you memorized your lines?_  
  
The hanyou mumbled something and Kouga's face turned red. "THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND YOU KNOW IT!"  
  
_By the way...Frost Fae... you gave me the greatest upon greatest of all ideas... haha...  
  
_"Great. Another idea." Kouga snapped. He was about to go out the door when the narrator stopped him.  
  
_It has something to do with you._ Kouga paled. Very much so.  
  
"What... what was it?"  
  
_Hmm... did I detect a hint of fear in that question Kouga dearie?_  
  
"ANSWER ME!"  
  
_...Haha... she asked if I made you gay..._  
  
And with that, Inuyasha choked on the bagel he was chewing on, causing Kagome to whack him rather violently on the back numerous times.  
  
Kouga, now instead of the chalk white he was, was red.  
  
_Ohhh...crimson red...Mm...like blood.  
_  
"I. AM. NOT. GAY."  
  
_Oh? Then why the men's strip club?_  
  
"Oh that? I'll vouch for him, since I went with him. It was a club FOR men..." Naraku added absentmindedly, heading towards the refreshment table.  
  
_Oh...heyy...Naraku sweetums? The monkey man stopped in his tracks, turned his head ever so slightly to the author's direction...  
_  
"...yeeeees...?"  
  
_You went with him. Are you gay too?_  
  
The author is not sure what happened next.... The air was too filled with doughnuts and bagels and cream cheese and pretzels for the author to see what was happening... she was also too busy trying to save a bagel and find some cream cheese...  
  
_Mm... yummy._  
  
The food fight was still going on when the author crawled up to the beams and lit a lighter and held it up to the sprinklers, causing a downpour on the cast.  
  
She then got herself down meticulously and presented herself to the cast.  
  
_What happened?  
_  
No one said anything.  
  
_WHAT HAPPENED?_  
  
Everyone glanced nervously at each other.  
  
The author sighed, and very annoyed and tired from waiting for an answer, went to a spare room that no one was using as a 'dressing room' and kicked it open. She went inside and returned in a second with a rifle in her hand. She cocked it, and aimed it at the cast.  
  
_Now what happened?_  
  
Everyone began talking animatedly at once and the author had to say _SHUT UP_ really loudly for them to actually do so...  
  
_Naraku. You start._  
  
The author used the gun to point at the monkey man, making himself and everyone around him extreeeeeeeeemely uncomfortable. It was understood, from the earlier events of the day, that the author had not the best aim.  
  
"I... threw a doughnut at you."  
  
"You mean, you TRIED. I mean, it hit me square on the face! What makes me so sure that you weren't really aiming for me?!" Ayame fumed.  
  
"Sorry. I WAS aiming for her. It's not everyday my manliness gets questioned."  
  
_But it does.  
  
The monkey man did a face fault. And got back up really quick at that...  
  
_"WHAT?"  
  
_Oh yeah. Fans watching the anime are questioning your sexuality. Haha... but it's okay. I thought Shippou was a girl until my friend told me.  
  
Haha...  
_  
"WHAT?!"  
  
Snickers from Miroku and downright laughter from Inuyasha, Kagome petted the kitsune.  
  
"S'okay Shippou... you're cute!" And she squeezed him for reassurance. A bit too hard... the fox was turning blue....  
  
_Don't make this into Fire and Ice... with that choking scene...  
  
_Kagome tittered and dropped Shippou quickly. Inuyasha was still laughing.  
  
_Well... I know why the food fight occurred. I'm not the only one with incredibly crappy aiming in this room! HAHAHAHAHAHA...  
  
_Naraku twitched. "I do NOT have crappy aiming... I was blinded by my... anger... and all that crap."  
  
_Carp? Ew...::twitch:: Me no likee.  
_  
"What?! That doesn't even have anything to do with anything!!!" Naraku fumed.  
  
_And isn't that the truth?_  
  
"...yes it is!"  
  
_And it's really the thought that counts..._  
  
"Now you're just saying random things..."  
  
_But better late than never!_  
  
"I'm leaving..."  
  
"Me too..."  
  
"Going back to the club!"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Great! I couldn't go last time..." Miroku grinned. And the men ran really fast to avoid Sango and her Hiraikotsu.  
  
_And next time... the debut of Inuyasha and Kagome! WOOOO! And the oh-so- lovable...RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN! Haha..._

_[[edit]]_

_I just have to tell people this... can you really imagine Naraku on a rocking horse? Because now you can **SEE** it... and just go to mediaminer . org and go to fanart and type up the penname faithless... or just go to my profile page... _

_and it all depends if you want to see color or not! Sin drew that, so see!!! No one plagarize her now! I will and CAN hunt you down if you do!_

_BTW... my first plagarizer person acted! She stole Makeshift Superheroes and if you want to tell her off, e-mail me and I'll happily give you the address... haha..._


	3. Scene Three

_I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! hahahaha!!!_

"Dammit."

_Noooo... don't take that attitude! This is the chapter that debuts Inuyasha! Rin! Kagome! wait - I'm not happy about that last one!_

"Hey!"

_Eh. Anyway,_ **witchyinuyashagurl1**, _you have a very good point._

"What was the point. Wait - don't tell me. I really don't want to know." Kouga said.

_Don't worry Kouga kun! It wasn't about you this time_. Kouga let out a sigh of relief_. It was about Hiten. Besides... I think you've had your share of me picking on you..._

"Thank you!"

_...for now..._ Kouga twitched but shut up.

Hearing his name, the said thunder demon looked up while eating a donut.

"And wahff iff thaff?"

_Well, I don't know why I didn't think of it before... you did eat Manten's heart didn't you?_

"WHAT?! THAT'S SO SICK!!! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT FROM?!?!?!"

_...er... i dunno... maybe episode what was it? 11 or something?_

"WHAT?"

_Yeah!_

"Oh! I remember watching that episode! I remember that snake lady, and she had the nicest b - "

"MIROKU!"

" - bones! I MEANT BONES!"

_sure. And I like carp._

"...you do?" Hiten asked.

_NO! Okay. This is really pointless, but still. Hiten, you ate Manten's heart. So that makes you a cannibal -_

"WHAT?!"

_- of sorts, and so you will be put in this containment chamber to keep all other characters safe. I'll be dead if Sin finds out I let you gnaw on Sesshoumaru's arm or something.... The authoress points to this little box of cement with a door with bars on it and a small side window, also with bars._

Overall, it pretty much just looked like a prison cell.

_And that's because it is one. I stole that from the prop department from an old John Wayne movie._

_Well...the budget! I'm only fifteen! Wait - I'm **fourteen**. Fourteen. I always forget how old I am... dammit._

"...that's just scary."

_And so is Barney. Anyway, I can't possibly have all the money we need for a movie production... besides... I like to spend money... I blow it all... haha..._

"Is this why we have such dingy dressing rooms? Because Margie will not be happy!" Naraku snipped indignantly.

_You can have another potato._

"NO!"

_Okay then... want some salt? Oh and who's Margie?_

"My baboon pelt."

_Sweet! My name is Marie!_

"...what?"

_Marie. Y'anno? Oh nevermind!_ The authoress shook her head and motioned for every to sit. Inuyasha! _Go change into your costume!!!_

"Aww... do I HAVE to?"

_Yeah. I'm pretty sure you have to._

"But no one else has to wear the real costumes of the character!!!" Inuyasha whined.

_Okay. Fine. From now on, everyone will have to wear the same costumes their characters wear in the movie._

"Damn you Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru growled. He also flexed his right hand menacingly.

_Hmm.. maybe I should make Sesshoumaru Aladdin... then I get to see him half naked! hehe... wahhh! Sin! Don't hit me! She's a bit annoyed because when we were watched the show, like that episode where Naraku and Sesshoumaru Join Forces and shiite... and he took off his shirt.. I froze it. When she complained... do you know what I said?_

"I don't want to know. La la la.. I CAN'T HEAR YOU..."

_Naraku. You spoil it. Anyway, I was all like 'BUT HE IS SO PREEEEEEEETTY!'_

"...I am?"

_Yah. Me and Sin think that Naraku and Sushi are the hottest and the prettiest characters on the show. Of course she doesn't call Sesshoumaru Sushi... that's **my **fetish..._

Naraku and Sesshoumaru both gasped. "Really?" Naraku breathed eagerly. Sesshoumaru started fanning himself with his hand.

_yAH. Pretty Pretty. Oh so pretty. Now can we go on?_

"I don't know... how do these look on me?"

_Very nice_. Inuyasha came into the room, having dressed rather quickly, in a purple vest with gold stitches, and white MC Hammer pants. _Well... the bottom is pretty much your clothes... I just removed all the coloring..._

"WHAT?!"

_Yeah. Apparently you can do that. Don't worry. We'll paint it red later on..._

_And that hat of your is just OH SO ADORABLE!_

"Really? I think I look too Jewishy..."

_I_ _don't think Jewishy is a word..._

"Yeah? Well carp ain't fish!"

_::twitch:: carp. ::twitch::_

"Can we just start shooting now?" Kagome cried in exasperation. "Do you have everything set up?"

_Yep._

"The buildings..."

_Yah._

"The guards..."

_Uh-huh...._

"The two kids..."

_wha?_

"The two kids! You know? The ones Inuyasha er - Aladdin is supposed to give the bread to!"

_Ohhh... THOSE kids..._

"So you have them?"

_Don't worry. I'll get it done._

"I'm not sure I want to be in this scene anymore.." Sango said.

_Yeah you do! Inuyasha gets to sing in this one!_

"Oh yeah. I have GOT to see this..." Kouga grinned.

_Yeah... Kouga you really have no real reason to stay... I dunno if I feel like letting you perform yet... I'm kind of scared actually._

"What? Why?"

_Well... err... do you have a nice butt?_

"WHAT?!?!"

_Yeah. Okay. ANYWAY... Inuyasha -_

"Wait! What about my butt?"

_... do you have your lines memorized?_

"Hey! Don't ignore me bitch!"

"No. I can't. He took it." Inuyasha pointed a finger at someone the authoress didn't really want to look at the moment.

_What did he do with it?_

"He ate it."

Kouga blanched at this. "I DID NOT EAT YOUR SCRIPT! YOU FLUSHED IT DOWN THE TOILET!"

_...is that why there was a flood?_

"YEAH! STUPID MANGY MUTT DIDN'T LIKE THE PART WHERE HE HAS TO LISTEN TO NARAKU SO HE FLUSHED IT DOWN THE TOILET!"

_OHHHH. Inuyasha. I'm not mad. Besides, here's a perk. You get to sit on top of Shippou and you are SUPPOSED to do that stuff._

"REALLY!?!?!"

_...mmhmm... so do you want to read cue cards?_

"Yeah!" _Okay then. Places everyone!!!_

Inuyasha is placed on top of a plaster building, made to be the exact replica of the Aladdin movie background. _Yeah. I got lots of people to make this stuff... and some I stole from the Aladdin movie stage..._

"That's not nice!"

_Your ass isn't nice. Or is it...? _The authoress mused and eyed Kouga. This made the wolf demon uncomfortabe, so he scooted in between Mr. Higurashi and Kagome.

_AND ACTION!_

Inuyasha starts running across all the building, leaping over entire rooftops. Meanwhile, Sango, Kaede, Manten, and Ayame are staring as Yura continues to chase Inuyasha by herself. Even though Hiten was supposed to be in this scene, he's still in his little prison cell thing_. hehe..._

"Is he supposed to run that fast?" Sango called out.

_Err - I don't think so.. Stop you guys_

Yura began to run faster and Inuyasha glanced behind him and saw that Yura was gaining. He freaked out and leapt off one of the buildings and... _NOT THROUGH THE WALL!!! THAT'LL COST A FORTUNE TO FIX!!!_

But it was too late. Inuyasha was already gone.

_Ack! ack! Kagome! Say sit! Say it now! NOW!!_

"Okay! Okay! OSUWARI!"

Not too far off there was a dull 'thud' sound. Everyone stood still for a few seconds, waiting to hear the cursing from Inuyasha. But there was none. Instead, there were these really weird crow calls... and suddenly...

"AH! GET THEM OFF! THEY'RE BITING MY EARS OFF!!!"

_Oh... I guess those weren't crows... Naraku.. what are those birds that circle over almost dead people in the movies and are in the desert?_

"...do you mean vultures?"

_Yeah! Those! I guess there are some in California too..._

"Duh you ijit! California is just a big desert!" Inuyasha roared as he ran into the stage room, looking very pissed off.

_Oh... so that's why it never snows?_

"Yes Ms. Marie." Miroku chimed.

_Ouo... you're just calling me that because you just want another part in the movie..._

"Yeah... I'm not even a character.. why?"

The authoress shrugged._ I dunno. I kinda just forgot about you._

"Are you serious?!" Sango exclaimed. "How can anyone forget about **Miroku**?!?!"

"Thank you Sango. I agree. She has a point. How can anyon forget about - "

" - A perverted, lecherous, groping mock of a monk!" Sango shouted.

_Yeah. Sango.. you have a point. Miroku. I'll find somewhere to put you in._

_...so how good are you with untangling strings?_

"...what does that have to do with anything?"

_I dunno. I just wanted to know. Anyway, Inuyasha up! UP!_ And as cameras were about to start going again...

"Hey! WAIT!" Hiten screeched. He was still inside his little prison cell thing.

_Ow. Okay. We are waiting._

"I DIDN'T EAT MANTEN'S HEART!"

"YOU DIDN'T WHAT?!?!" Manten screeched too... _like brothers... ::sigh::_

"Look! He's right there! Healthy and ALIVE! How the hell could I have eaten his heart if he's here?!?!"

Oh. hm. that's a problem. Want me to kill him? 

"...what is WRONG with you?!"

_I don't know. I've been to a bunch of rapists but nothing._

_Yeah. The Rapists. None worked._

"...what the...?" _Ignore it. It's the work of a fuzzy brownie... ::AHEM::_

_Okay. back to shooting. Inuyasha, don't run so friggin' fast. Yura, don't cut off his hair. Yura..?_

Yura was found cornering Sesshoumaru in, well, a corner. She was purring something to him.

_I don't want to know. Just step away from the Sushi and all will be right with the world._

"But I want his hair mou... it's so silky and nice..." Yura grumbled, but shuffled towards the set.

_Alright. Now set and action!_ This time, Inuyasha ran like a 'retarded human' _– his words... _-- and the others were right on his tail.

..._well... not LITERALLY... hey Inuyasha!_

The said hanyou had been in the middle of a leap across two buildings, something the narrator had told him not to do... but he had looked up at the sound of his name and lost his concentration.

_This means he fell kiddies..._

As Inuyasha sat up wearily from a bundle of cloth, he said. "Wha?"

_Do you have a tail? I know Sesshoumaru does, but do you? _The question produced cries of outrage from both brothers.

"HALF-brothers! HALF-brothers!" Inuyasha chirped. _Haha.. chirped. Like a birdie..._

"Oh that reminds me of a time I owned two parakeets."

"You owned parakeets?!" Yura asked.

Naraku nodded. "I did indeed. They were two beautiful birds, and I loved to set their birdcage on the porch, right next to Margie."

_Do go on Naraky kins..._

Naraku twitched at his new nickname... the authoress seemed to like giving him a new one everytime she talked to him... "And one day I found that my two parakeets were missing, and Margie was being bad."

..._and what happened?_

Naraku shrugged and picked up an apple from the table and bit into it before answering. "I don't really remember. I saw red and the next thing I knew, Margie had run away and I had this lovely new outfit..."

Everyone blinked. _Well, close to everyone..._ it seems that Kouga has learned how to fall asleep with his eyes open...

_Oh and by the way Naraku... for the next few scenes that you have to be on a camel..._

"WHICH ONES?!" Naraku asked, taking out his copy of the script and flipping through it.

..._err – all of them?_

"...what about them? Please, don't sugarcoat it."

_Err... umm... about that camel I was going to get... I couldn't get one. The AASPCA or something like that had a animal abuse threat thing posted against me and I'm not allowed to own any more camels._

"So what I am going to be using? Wait – no. No! NOOOO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOT THE – "

_Wait – wait... I wonder..._

"What? WHAT?"

..._hmm... I wonder if that restraining order for animal abuse pertains to llamas..._

"...no."

_Really? Yay! Okay..._

"No... I mean, I'm not getting on a friggin' llama. You can't get a friggin' llama. I'll sue you if you even **smell** a friggin' llama. GOT THAT?!?!"

..._err – smell? Why would I smell a llama?_

"JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

_You can sue me. But you won't be able to do anything with the money if you're dead! HAHAHAHAHA..._

"Oh. My. God." Naraku sighed and held his forehead.

_Stop being such a drama queen... and besides, we still have the rocking horse!_

**::creak::**

**::creak::**

"No."

_But... but..._the narrator gave pouty lips. _I even personalized it! _And so she had... because on the right side of the rocking horse, there was a name done in beautiful calligraphy, inked on with detail... and it was _Naraku_...

_Okay... so not much of the movie was done... but now, I'm back! You have to give Sin some credit for this, because the story about the parakeets was inspired by her..._

"What do you mean, inspired by her! I did have parakeets! Von Leroy Lynn Levoy and dear old Vladdamire!"

_okay. Sure. We'll say that._

"Does this mean shooting is over?" Inuyasha asked.

_Err – I think so. I don't feel like shooting anymore. Well, there **are** like four bullets left in this gun..._ and the director patted a pistol on her waist. _Oh! Oh! Let's play, DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?_

_Haha... anyone? Wait – hello... hello...hello...hello?_

_Damn that echo._ As the narrator looked around, she saw that the whole stage room was empty.

_Haha... I get to throw a party!!! Yay! Lesse... where's that number for Lenny's Magic Hat? Oh! And have to have midget strippers!! Oh and – AWK!_

And suddenly a tug on the bottom of her shirt caused to authoress to squawk.

_[[yeah. I do that in real life too.]]_

_AWK! WHAT THE FUCK!! FUNCKY!!!_ "Err – Ms. Marie-sama? Can I go on now?"

As the narrator looked down, she grinned.

_ouo! YOU SOO CUUUUTE!! CUUUUUUUUUUUTIIIIIIIIIEEE!_

_Well... since no one's around, and we really didn't get much done... Rin, you want to make a home movie?_

"Yay! Can we have flowers and daffodils and daises?"

_err - why not? I was thinking more along the lines of... rabid monkey kills three. Tune in at seven for the full story ... wait. no. That's the news..._


	4. Scene Four?

_It's been quite awhile._

"I think I have leukemia from living in your basement so long."

_How?_

"Well – I think there's radioactive waste down there. Must have had us cooped up too long there."

_No – I mean HOW?_

"I just said it," grouched Miroku.

_No – that's now what I meant. I meant, WHAT basement?_

"WHAT?"

_I don't have a basement._

"…"

"You better not be toying with us."

…

_SCENE FOUR!_

"Hey! Answer us!"

_Now Inuyasha, I'm going to just keep what I shot the other day _– "_Very_ other," came a mumble – _and we'll just continue from there._

_Okay? Action! _

_ACTION! _

_GUN ACTION!_

Everyone scrambled to get into their respective places when… Uh oh… hey… "What nooooow?" 

_You're so grouchy Inuyasha. But would none of you happen to have the script lying around here do you?_

"No. We need them. They're in our safes. Inuyasha likes to eat them."

"SHIPPOU I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" 

"AH! I'm telling the truth! AH! Save me! Save meeeeeee!"

_Hm. Okay. We have a problem. I lost MY script. Any of you's have a backup?_

"We aren't getting paid enough for this."

_But you aren't getting paid…_

"Exactly."

_And thus concludes the reason for postponing my movie! Erm – Disney's movie. Yeah. That. Anywhoo's, I'll start it back up again. Soon. I think. I mean, I'm not getting paid either. That's not fun._

"We're starving. Can we leave until you decide to start again?"

_Kagome, dear dear Kagome. I could use Kikyou to replaaaaace you couldn't I?_

"Fine. Forget I said anything."

_Yesh. That is the director's lame excuse. Besides the fact that the authoress _– "STOP CHANGING WHAT YOU CALL YOURSELF!"

_I have multiple personality disorder. Don't blame me.. ask Sin. I'm going to have her help me "direct" the next scene… MUWAHAHAHAHA…_

_Until next time kiddies – go and dance in the puddle around the fridge!_

_BEHIND THE SCENES!_

"You know, reading that section over showed me what a lazy ass you are." _(Kouga is a big fat meanie so the authoress has inserted comments into their dialogue. Hah! I can do that you know?)_

_I'm so proud I updated._

"This is nothing to be proud of. We didn't even shoot anything!" _(Really should get around to finding Kikyou under the sand to replace this one…)_

_But I posted…_

"But there was no content in this chapter at all whatsoever!" _(I really should..)_

_But I updated!_

"After like a frikkin YEAR you pyscho!" _(I forgive him because I thought he was a girl. It's an innocent enough mistake.)_

_But I have ADD…_

"…"

"I quit. You're intolerable."

_So many have said that to me… and now I'm off to get Sin to write the next scene with me because she's morbidddddddd…_

"Great. Another pyscho."

_But a MORBID pyscho!_

_:p_


End file.
